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Drifting in the ocean water...it was a feeling he might never become accustomed to. The smell of the salt on the air was a comforting scent,
but Eren could never find it him to relax. Not when there were always enemies, around every turn, waiting for him to slip up. Beyond the walls and within them, they weren't truly free...not yet. But they were getting closer and closer, with every passing day. Eren would still toss and turn in his sleep some nights, but slowly you'd learn to be okay with the nightmares, it just seemed that every time they went out on a mission he'd gain material for a new one. This wasn't anything new or groundbreaking, of course. He knew that. He knew that every one of his comrades had likely gone through the same thing, if not a thousand times over, a thousand times worse. Eren was lucky because he had a special power, a responsibility to be humanity's hope. What were the others fighting for? Everyone had a different answer. Even if a soldier gave the same word for word description of their goal as someone else, the heart, the backstory, something would always be different. He'd stopped trying to understand or connect with new friends.[break][break]

Friendships didn't have a place in war. Mikasa and Armin were those he cared about and it was all he needed to keep his feet on the ground. His soul was as unpredictable as this new discovered ocean was, and wading through it, he knew it held even more depths. There would always be so much he didn't know, but he had a purpose. His goal was still the same. To defeat every last titan, no matter what it meant, no matter if it meant controlling them or becoming one himself, he didn't care. As long as it brought him to freeing humanity, he would take every step necessary. Eren kept turning, transforming to be like a pendulum swinging from left to right, but his outward expression and determination would never change. ...Until...one night, when he awoke to the sound of the ocean once more, it wasn't the one he was used to. And that would be the breaking point, destroying the pillars he had spent so long building.[break][break]

"IT'S BEEN A NICE DREAM, BUT I WANT TO WAKE UP."

That's what he had told them, after answering the other questions. Eren had technically not woken up all that long ago but he was exhausted. Tired of this fake world, these fake people, the fake questions as they pretended everything was okay, like there weren't enemies all around them. Murderers and traitors to be culled. He put a hand to his forehead, golden eyes glazed over with distance. Aloof, that was a way for strangers to describe him. Those who came to grow close to him knew better, and knew the fire that burned within his heart, but these people obviously didn't. And when he'd said that, they'd shared a look. The faces he'd dreamed up began to choose their words more carefully, especially when someone who hadn't spoken but been giving him a piercing look the entire time pulled them aside to whisper in their ear (what they had been hearing, the terrors they had been seeing in his brain, the instability, we'll need Omega Five to watch him).[break][break]

It took him a full two weeks of hazy therapy to accept it. That this was his life now, or at the very least, if this was a dream then he was in for a long, long coma. Eren wasn't sure what to think. On the one hand, it made sense, since there were some machines and advances in this world, some faces that he was sure he'd never have the creativity to dream up. But on the other...what was he supposed to do now? (Reportedly, those skilled in telepathy were surprised that he didn't lose it just then, after seeing snippets of memories, the rage he was capable of.) Numbed to this ordinary life so different than the one he was used to, he tried his best to play along with the reality he still wasn't fully convinced was real. Learn it's rules and play by them. Some days Eren would find some happiness, bit by bit, getting fooled by the facade of this utopia. A world without titans sounded perfect, but then, he hadn't thought about it until now as he looked at his reflection in the mirror - what did a world without titans need him for? Because if you were to strip him down to his fundamentals...[break][break]

"YOU'RE THE LAST MONSTER LEFT."

That was when he'd finally felt something real, and it was rage because of course it was it always had to be, yes, it was hot-blooded wrath boiling through his blood. Eren threw his fist out, shattering the mirror and causing a scene within the apartment they'd so generously assigned him, and he covered his ears with bloody steaming hands and screamed. Screamed his lungs out like he was experiencing the pain of it all at once, all the grief and mourning that he had somehow bottled up in spite of never being the type to do so, (rational boy he was, as he'd acknowledged it once or twice out loud, as his fatal flaw) he was the type that always lost it at the drop of a pen. But that was it. That was the only outburst he had. The monster put on his cold face again as he apologized for the noise, and never told the doctor about any of it. Not for a lack of prying on their part, though. The prying wasn't likely to stop.

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