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I. Mitosis

You were one, then two, then too many to count. A system too complex for you to keep track of every cell like you once could. You were one and now you are two. Cells separated by circumstance now divided alongside each other in the same patterns, following the same rules. You are the same, but you are not. Two individuals on a rock hurtling through space. [break][break]

You cannot speak. You have no language and no need, because you simply understand the other you. You who looks like you but isn't you. Thoughts and feelings jump the space between you in an instant, injected straight into the mind. You have no language because you have little to talk. One the rock you're on and the stars that soar past. You skirt the gravitational edges of planets as you pass through their solar systems, but soon even those are not worth talking of. You don't mind the silence. You don't know any better. Boredom is carved into your very existence. You cannot be unhappy because you've never been happy.[break][break]

II. A Conversation

[break]

III. Hark

You close your eyes and stretch you mind out, you hear it then. The sounds of music and dialogue. Once faint, it grows louder and louder. It changes, the cacophony different now than before, an amalgam of different ingredients. Through it, you learn. You memorize the mathematical patterns of the music, then language and you experience the evolution of a dozen of them. Anxiety grips you as you both listen to radio dramas and together you learn fear and sorrow as you listen to the radio chatter of war. [break][break]

They are much more complex than you.[break][break]

IV. A Conversation

V. Earth

Earth is full of everything. Countless atoms arranged into air, the ground, and the living things who buzz across it. Your have seen so little and now there is so much. It overwhelms you and so you both lash out at those who approach you and you fight, but you have never known pain and so you crumble easily. They bind you to capsules, but they don't keep you in them. They nurse you both back to health and after quite a bit of fumbling, you make proper contact. They teach you more than you ever learned listening to radio waves that escaped to space. You teach them the way you arrange your cells, the way you restructure yourself in fractions of a second. [break][break]

They classify you as a pokemon, a broad collection of creatures that follow a similar set of cultures. They teach them to you, these scientists. The rules of the fight, the moves, the way you're to act, you learn it all. You enjoy it. You fight so many other pokemon and you make so many friends.[break][break]

They name you both Deoxys. You are the only ones there are.[break][break]

VI. Deoxys

[break][break]

VII. The Attack

It smells of fire. Eyes snap open and you reach out. Find your other you, your other deoxys. Search the minds of the scientists. What's happening? What's—[break][break]

( Run )[break][break]

Panic assaults you but it isn't yours. Run, run, a hundred minds telling you to flee, but not why. You freeze, the two of you holding hands tight as thoughts jump the space between you in fractions of a second. Attention breaks and snaps to the door as it's shoved open. A pudgy man in a suit steps through, hands clasped behind his back.[break][break]




"Stop them." Words cold and calm, they still your blood. Vines wrap fast around your legs and drag you down from your escape. You crash to the ground, but you're okay, you're both okay. It's a fight, then. You know the rules. You know the moves. You get up, you step, but you're assaulted again and you reel. You don't understand. It was your turn. Why did they attack again? Relentless and ruthless, they don't give you the chance to stand. The rules crumble and so do you.[break][break]

VIII. Team Rocket

Snow static agony slices through and you cry out. Cut the feed, break it off. It hurts, it hurts. You can't think, can't form even the vaguest of concepts. For minutes you are curled tight, clutching your core. And it finally fades. Reach out again. Are they okay—? And there it is again. Again and again, every time you try to reach your mind out. You shake with pain, dazed and confused, scared, lonely.[break][break]

It hurts too much to try anymore. Just give up.[break][break]

IX. Blue

There are no rules. No taking turns, no four sets of moves. The only thing you must do is obey. Obey and it'll hurt less. Obey and you'll see them again. This is all to find them, after all, the you that escaped. The you that abandoned you.[break][break]

Hurt the girl and the boy will come and with the boy will be the other you. It's easy. Her pokemon fall quick under your assault and you steal her parents. Hands wrap around her neck. Choke her, kill her, that'll do the trick, but then more arrive and you let go. You see the boy. He's angry. You did your job. This is enough. You flee, run back to Giovanni.[break][break]

Soon.[break][break]

X. Where?

You hear them chatter. They found them. Beat them down, bound them to a ball. You want to see them. You want to scream at them. Why did they leave? Why did they abandon you? You were supposed to leave together. Their betrayal cuts and leaves you bitter and with them so close you it festers. You are so eager for a fight when they come for you that you don't notice the amusement on their faces. You are obedient and for your services they abandon you. They take you far away, across the world, where they think you won't be able to find them, and they leave you to die.[break][break]

They forget what you are. They forget what you can do.[break][break]

XI. Meteor

This feels familiar. The nostalgia aches, but you stay despite the pain that makes you weep. Curled up tight, you find comfort in the ache. Feels like home. You can almost feel them next to you. If you could just reach out, you might be able to touch them, but you can't. They're not here. They're not anywhere. They left you, abandoned you, off to the stars without you. That's fine. You'll destroy Hoenn then. If they ever come back, they will look upon it and know. You will do the same to them. You anger burns like the comet trail you leave in your wake.[break][break]

And then it's all gone. Your meteor is destroyed in an instant and you scream at the serpent and the boy on top of them. How dare they. Every step you take and someone is always there in your way, keeping you from your goal. You can't even do this one simple thing and the anger tears at your chest, the misery, the loathing. You attack, but despite how hard you've worked, everything you had to put into bettering yourself, into surviving, it's still not enough. It's never enough. Agony sears through you as your core is blasted. It cracks, it crumbles, and the pain of it all stills even your screams. And then they leave you. They can't even put you out of your misery, they leave you to suffer a slow death as gravity pulls you back to Earth. You hate them.[break][break]

XII. Walker

It hurts. It hurts and you can't even form that thought. You lie on the ground in a pain-filled daze, unable to think, unable to move. You can't do anything but die. Someone else can do something, though, and someone else does. Distantly, you are aware that you are being carried and then the ground beneath you is soft and you sink into it. Your core is cold. It aches. The potions sprayed do little to mend the damage, but they ease the pain and you can think again, speak again. A boy stands at your side, honey eyes concerned and intrigued. There is no hope in his face. You both know you won't survive this.[break][break]

XIII. A Conversation

XIV. Morning

It worked. It feels like a dream, but it doesn't fade away and the pain doesn't come back. It worked. You and Walker are one. It could've killed you both, but he insisted you try. Insisted he had nothing to lose. And inside of him you feel his pain. You see his pain. Memories play through your conscious as if they were your own and you weep for him, your tears falling from eyes that aren't yours. How sad, how tragic. Maybe this is why he helped you. A connection formed in pain, in being used, abused, and disposed of. [break][break]

But Walker cannot see your memories. They aren't there. Vague feelings of misery and rejection claw at his heart, but there are no memories to see. You feel your past, but you don't remember it. You don't remember anything. He says that's okay. Lyeant will be your home now.[break][break]

XV. Daniel

You meet him on the bus on Valentine's Day and later Walker will laugh about it. The boy sits next you, dark hair and confusion on his face. He was holding a box of chocolates, but he couldn't remember where they came from or who gave them to him. He offers them to you. He says he can't eat them all and while he can't remember who made them, it would still be rude to throw them out. They're delicious and you pity the maker whose confession fell on deaf and oblivious ears. What a fool.[break][break]

You see him again on the bus and you try to joke with him. (Any more chocolate?) He looks at you with confusion. (What chocolate?) He doesn't remember. Not you, not the chocolate. It cuts deep. Are you so easily forgotten? Are you not worth remembering? He sits next to you anyway and he explains that he has a condition and your anger abates. You smile and you reintroduce yourself. You share another snack together and it becomes almost a habit. In the morning you would ride the same bus and you would remind him who you are or his notes would remind him and you would share a snack. You take comfort in it, an odd sort of stability in your life. It is something you look forward to with a bittersweet happiness. You never get your hopes up, though. He won't ever remember you.[break][break]

Except he does. He boards one day and he looks at you. He's confused, but it's different than before. He says your name, careful, cautious. It's the right name, but why is it the right name? Why does he remember? He doesn't know. You can't provide any answers either, but you are happy. He is too, you think. He doesn't remember yesterday, but he remembers you and the time spent with you. You are a beacon in the void that is his memory, a light that illuminates and reveals what is around. He asks you to come with him. He wants to challenge the gyms, but he doesn't want to do it alone. He might forget what he was doing. Without hesitation, without thought, you agree.[break][break]

Daniel is excellent. He soars through the battles while you watch with anxiety that steals your breath. You don't know why. You hate watching the fights. You hate participating. Your head hurts and you heart struggles to beat. You force a smile when he looks at you. He's none the wiser as you grapple with memories you can't quite yet recall. You cannot in earnest fight, though. Fight after fight, you purposely make the wrong choices. End it as soon as possible. People laugh. They say you should learn from Daniel. You tell them to mind their own business as you nurse your team back to health, apologies falling from your lips like water when no one is looking. [break][break]

Your pokemon understand, you think. They stay by your side, despite defeat after defeat. You appreciate that.[break][break]

XVI. Run

You've lied to him this whole time. He doesn't know. He thinks you're one, but you're two and when he confesses to you in the quiet of the street, you can't breathe. You can't think as your minds run a million miles an hour, but the words fall without permission: I can't. He smiles and laughs and it's bitter and you want to die. He blames himself. You can't love someone like him, after all. Memory shot, it'd be such a chore, wouldn't it? You don't tell him no, it's not his fault, and you want to die. [break][break]

You can't tell him. Fear chokes the words before they form. How would he react? If he's angry, would he remember it tomorrow? Would he shout saying he never wanted to see you again. That you could deal with. But what if he doesn't remember. What if he rains unto you sharp words and digs his fingers into the open wound of your betrayal. What if he doesn't remember and tomorrow he wakes up all smiles and he has to ask you what's wrong? Why are you crying? Why are you making that face? You can't do it. You can't cope with that.[break][break]

In the morning, you're gone. You leave no note, no goodbye, no warning. A last minute plane ticket booked while he slept in the hotel bed next to yours. You run to Johto, heart in your throat and tears in your eyes. Something tells you to go to Hoenn, but something stronger insists no, go to Johto. That's where you need to be. So you go and there they find you.[break][break]

XVII. A Conversation

XVIII. Deoxys

They're familiar. You ought to remember them, but you don't. They stand before you, arms twisted like strands of DNA. Deoxys. Who is Deoxys? What is Deoxys? They step forward, mind in yours, and they touch you and suddenly you see. You remember as they sift through the places of your mind that you have locked away. You remember how they abandoned you and that anger boils freshly anew and you attack, but they are quick to subdue you. Quick to correct you. They tried. They did their best, but it wasn't enough, so they fled because that way there was hope. They could come back. They could find you again. It didn't work, though, because their best is never enough. Captured again, hurt again, and this time you weren't there. A boy saved them, though, and to you they've called out since but never have you answered. You didn't remember how. Your best has never been enough, but at least you are together and at least they did not truly abandon you. You forgive them.[break][break]

XIX. Lyeant

You watch him over the news. Between classes, between work. He's champion now and Lyeant has been through so much. You hate this feeling in your chest. You abandoned him. You were angry at the other you for abandoning you, but look you have abandoned Daniel with no intention of ever returning to him. You told yourself it was for the best, but you know that's not true. He has gone through so much alone. Does he remember the source of the scars carved into Lyeant? As unrest grips the region, though, they look to Daniel for guidance and your heart aches. You can't leave him to suffer through this on his own. [break][break]

XX. The Island

You can't breathe. Anxiety chokes you and you can feel your heartbeat in your fingertips. You are scared and there is no one beside you to anchor you to the world. Deoxys, the other you, stayed back in Johto. They sent you away with assurances that it'll be okay, but they had business to attend to. They had to work on stuff at the lab. You are aware that this was their way of saying you needed to do this on your own. It's personal. It's private. They have no place in this scene. Still, you wish they were here, because as the minutes tick by in the airport terminal, you still don't see Daniel. Where is he?[break][break]

Where are you? In a blink, it's all gone. The ceiling, the walls, the tacky carpet. The people buzzing around you and the automated announcements. It's all gone. Replaced with blue sky and the sound of seagulls crying. There's sand beneath you. You do not fully understand what has happened, but you can guess. And so you scream a wretched sound. So close, so close! You were going to fix things! You were going to do what you should've done ages ago. He was going to know the truth, you were going to make it all work or go back to Johto know that at least you tried, that you did your best. Really, though, when has your best ever been enough? Something always stands in your way. Something always drags you back down.[break][break]

They come to collect you and although you are angry, you go with them obediently. There's the interview, the someone sifting through your mind. It's all organized nice and neat for their viewing. They know you know. Golden eyes burn like the sun into the skulls of those across from you, but they let you go with little difficulty. They give you a room and they tell you to get a job. You are certain they will watch you somehow.
For now, you will play nice. You will teach at the university, you will pay your rent. Your anger boils still, though, and your students remark that they have never seen you smile.

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